18 fucking months. I put everything and anything into that relationship. We both knew it was falling apart towards the end. 18 fucking months and he didnt even try. I had lost so many people because i put everything into that relationship, i let him have all of me. He isn’t mature enough to be in a committed relationship, he could’ve informed me of this at the start of the relationship. This isn’t a “i want him back” vent, this is a “why do i give so much of myself to people?” vent. Can’t even fucking hang with a guy still. fuck.
Wow. Found this in my drafts from months ago. Cannot believe that i still give people so much. Its impossible to feel happy when people just walk all over you simply because your nice to them. Society is honestly fucked the maturity levels of some people is unbelieveable.
I just want Lannan to come over, watch movies with me and give me cuddles. If that were to happen, people would find out, somehow. They would then talk shit and make shit up about us cause they are all shit cunts. I’d be okay with that though, cause he sexy. I just want cuddles, movies and Lanny right now. Fuck everything.
When you feel like nothing, like your completey useless and your existence is just pointless, people often tell you about all the people around you and how many people care about you, and often you realise i guess some people care. Now, i’m at the point where i think of that and i see nothing, i feel like people only sit through listening to my problems, simply just so i can sort out their problems, once that is done, so are they. I just feel so used and so replaced. I sometimes wish i had someone there for me that would do what i do for other people, why do i put so much into something and people just don’t give a shit, i’m nothing to them. Sometimes i wonder, why do i even bother? nobody fucking cares, simple. Everything i say is pointless unless its going to benefit them. A big FUCK YOU to all the people who keep bringing me down. I’m so over being told im strong, i feel like i have to be strong then. I put up a front, like i’m okay, everything is fine. Reality of it is, i’m not fine, i’m a mess its just too fucking sad that no one cares. I feel like
my life is pointless, everything and anyone i believe in is all fucked and gone. I’m so fucking done, i’m so fucking broken and messed up. Too many people have fucked with my life lately, its my life who the fuck gave them the right to fuck with it, thats right i did! So at the end of the day, its all on me. I’ve fucked my own life up.
You're a hoe. Let's fuck.
Okay, sounds like a brilliant plan. ;)
There will always be those people that will walk into your life and you wonder where they have been hiding away. The people that are always by your side, always have your back, they are the people you want to keep in your life. My amazing friend, Lannan, all my other friends know about him because i cannot shutup about how amazing he is. I think even if he tried he could not possibly ever let me down. For the last three years he has been such a big part of my life. I make mistakes and no matter what, he stands by me. So many boys have come into my life and hurt me and let me down and no matter what he helps me through it all. Just got out of an 18 month relationship with an amazing person, its a shame that we lost the spark, the passion and the fire that made our relationship so amazing. A friend decided that this would be the perfect time to take advantage of me and my situation. That hurt. Alot. Lannan of course has been listening to my constant complaining about everything. Never tells me to shutup, always supports me. He is the most amazing person i have ever come across. Right now, he is texting me giving me advice as usual. Without technology mine and his relationship would almost be non-existent. For probably the last 2 years he has been 8 hours away from me. I think that i have seen him about 5 or 6 times in our friendship. He makes me laugh when he knows im down. He sends me photos and videos of silly things he finds, just to light up my day. The first time he drove a bobcat, i received a video of him doing it. He inspires me to be a better person. To love more and hate less. To always help people even if sometimes you are falling apart and cannot even help yourself. I cannot wait for him to have a girlfriend, honestly she would have to be the luckiest girl in the world. He is the reason i still have faith in the human race. He is one of those amazing people that you never want to leave your life because he simply just makes your life better.